I work in a small part of the office on the second of four floors. I call it the sales dungeon because there are no windows and you have to navigate a maze to find an exit. They have successfully created a place where, if there were no clocks on our computers or smartphones, one might never know the time of day.
"JUST... KEEP... WORKING," this room seems to insist.
Life on the outside continues.
At night, after I've left the office, I think about what I've missed in those 11 hours. I think about the female lead in a romantic comedy and how content she is when she holds true to her passions and works at a flower shop or specialty book store. I think about how much time she has to herself and how much money she seems to have lying around to ensure that she is always comfortable. I think about how happy she must be to have found a job that is fun and fulfilling, and still provides an adequate living.
This fantasy almost never works out. Most adults I know will admit to sacrificing their free time and the pursuit of a passion in exchange for a job that pays the bills. I just hope that I can learn to be satisfied with my career choices, and not keep wondering, "what else is out there?" That's a question that can haunt people like me: privileged, college-educated 20-somethings who have been told, since they were small, that they can be/do anything they want to be/do. This was a fabulous way to grow up. I have the freedom to decide what I will become. But the freedom is immense and overwhelming. I could work a basic 9-5, I could continue whole-heartedly in this industry, I could go to work for a non-profit, or I could teach English in Bangladesh! I could pursue any of these, but I'm paralyzed by the question, "what else is out there?"
